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What'd he say about bacteria? It's sad, but true: the USDA says that cooking the stuffing inside the turkey the traditional way just isn't safe. Click here to find out how to cook that turkey safely.

Red, Red Wine
Some people recommend slightly chilled Beaujolais Nouveau on Turkey Day. I think they're the turkeys. I do not like Bo-No-Vo, and I will not recommend it to you. It has become a marketng machine that sells off half of the region's production before the year is even over. It doesn't taste good, either. I'll get off my soap box now.

There are some Beaujolais that work, though, and they are wines from high quality producers. Domaine Miolane is one, and Trenel makes some great cru Beaujolais. In Beaujolais, the "cru" wines are the ones with the name of the town whence they came on the label, such as "Morgon" or "Moulin-a-Vent." These cru wines tend to have more body and power than what you might expect a Beaujolais to have.

Other Burgundy and Pinot Noir

Beaujolais is made from the Gamay grape. The rest of Burgundy uses Pinot Noir, one of my favorites when it comes to food matching. As with the whites, don't spend too much on it -- the subtleties of a great red Burgundy will be lost when matched with this schizophrenic meal. A top-notch Bourgogne Rouge from someone like Domaine Leroy (pronounced "lair-WAH") would work, as would a cru from a more value-oriented house like Laboure-Roi -- specifically their Nuits-St.-George. Juicy California Pinots are also a great choice. Get one with some body, though, like Morgan Carneros. Carneros is a top Pinot region; be on the lookout for wines from there. On the high end, go for Au Bon Climat, Santa Maria Valley.

Italian Reds

Ohmigosh, Tuscan Reds are perfect for this meal. Medium-bodied, with some power and acidity -- it's all here. A great Chianti Classico would be great, a Super Tuscan would be super, and a lovely Brunello would be lovely. Fontodi Riserva for the Chianti (or Rancia Felsina Berardegna), Campaccio or Cipresso as the Super Tuscan, and Lisini Brunello di Montalcino if you want to splurge. If you don't want to splurge, ask for a Rosso di Montalcino, a better value. In cases, avoid the '92 vintage, a particularly thin one.

Zinfandel and Merlot

Although many Merlots will go, it is hard to find a good value now. Merlot has become the number-one red varietal in the U.S. Supply and demand, kids. I prefer Zinfandel, not only because its spicy-juicy quality goes well with the menu, but also because Zin is grown only in this country! It grows nowhere else in the world. (Joel Peterson of Ravenswood Winery thinks it was brought here by aliens.) Speaking of Ravenswood, their Vintner's Blend is a great value, and the Sonoma bottling would be a great choice. Ridge Vineyards Sonoma Station and Lytton Springs Zins are tremendous, and Fife "Old Vines" is a winner. Don't make the mistake I made once, and get a bruiser. Huge Zinfandel is too much for the Bird & Co. If you can't find one of the ones I recommend, ask the salesperson for one of the fun and juicy Zins, not a monster.

On a personal note, I always go with American wines, usually a big Sauvignon Blanc and a Zinfandel. It's an American holiday -- drink American, dammit! Barring that, My strongest recommendation is to have lots of wine on hand, and to not take it too seriously. Have a shot of Wild Turkey with your turkey and eat, drink, and gobble, gobble, gobble.