Christmas is not my holiday. Nor would I ever want it to be, being the non-religious but tradition-oriented Jew that I am. But how can any non-Christian go through the holiday season in America without even a tiny bit of Christmas envy? We are bombarded by all those nauseatingly sentimental images: cherub-cheeked children opening mounds of presents alongside three generations of a loving family; large gatherings supping on a Martha Stewart-perfect Christmas dinner of frothy eggnog, golden roast goose, and a flaming plum pudding. And then there is all the brouhaha in the streets, the colored lights and decorated department store windows, the bright red ribbons tied to evergreen trees and potted poinsettias in every office building lobby. Even Moses, I'm sure, would feel just a wee bit left out.

Even when a non-Christian does manage to enjoy the sparkling jubilance of the season, to feel included in the holiday office parties with their "secret Santa" gifts and Christmas tree-shaped butter cookies, then comes Christmas Day proper. And, to those who do not want to partake, Christmas can be the most boring day of the year.

The problem is two-fold: (1) how to enjoy a perfectly good day off when everything is closed; and (2) what to do instead of mimicking the Christmas tradition of a big, labor intensive dinner with lots of relatives. The temptation to have a feast is palpable. Practically everyone you know is doing it, and all your relatives are free. But almost any special type of meal you might decide to make at home, no matter how anti-Christmas it may seem, will still bring to mind images of everyone else's Christmas dinner (even bagels and lox could recall Christ's loaves and fishes). No, the idea is to eat well and have fun, but in a way that doesn't echo the Christian tradition.

As for having fun, there is only one viable option: going to the movies. Since everyone else who doesn't celebrate Christmas will be at the movies too, get there early. Eating well is more difficult. If you want to stick to your guns, avoid dining at restaurants serving Christmas dinner. Someone in your group will inevitably order one (just out of curiosity), and there you'll be, right back where you started. Of course, the famous anti-tradition amongst most non-Christmas-practicing Jews is to hit the local Chinese palace after the show. Catering to the crowds, every Chinese restaurant in town usually has some kind of Christmas Day special that does not include roast goose or plum pudding. There are other Asian options, and Indian and Middle Eastern places will probably be open, too. However, my favorite choice for a Christmas day repast is Japanese food, since sushi is a treat that cannot be called Christmasy in any way (except perhaps in Japan). If you're lucky enough to snag a tatami room, you could sit in the secluded bamboo quiet of the cubicle and you'd barely know it was Christmas at all.

I have been perfecting my Christmas Day plan for years. This year looks like it would have been my best year yet, because not only is the movie Portrait of a Lady opening on Christmas Day, one of my favorite Japanese restaurants is offering a Christmas Day special of $1 pieces of sushi. But, alas, this year, I will not be practicing my alternative Christmas. This year, I will join the majority of Americans in eating Christmas dinner -- at my Catholic partner's mother's house in Westchester, NY. In the company twenty-two of my sweetie's relatives (whom I've never met), I will help trim the tree, cook the goose (well, chicken), give and receive useless gifts, clear the table, wash the dishes, chat politely about the weather with elderly relatives, get stuck in traffic, and do all those other things that the majority of Americans do every year.

But even in the face of relieving my Christmas envy, I'd still rather have sushi.

Click for more Christmas Day options, including traditional feasts.